Tuesday, April 10, 2012

He Never Sang Me a Serenade

Someone wrote to me, saying they enjoyed my "39 year story" (see Sunday's entry) and believed that Hubby must have sung me some wonderful songs. Oh, contraire! Here's my response:

Hubby has never really sung for me. The only song he ever sang directly to me was on our 25th wedding anniversary -- and I didn't know in advance what he would choose, just that everyone at the concert expected him to dedicate a song to me.

I had to laugh though -- it was "If Ever I Would Leave You" -- from Camelot. It was the perfect choice, of course, even if NOT very romantic. Throughout our 39 years we both agreed, through hard times (and there were many) and good, we had made a commitment to this relationship and would not walk away. Sometimes that was hard for both of us -- but it was the promise we made when we finally decided (34 years ago) to get married.

For Hubby, a classically trained artist, singing was a job -- and just as I don't attempt to teach him at home, he has not sung to me. He did sing around the house but not songs dedicated to me. He would sing in the car -- but it was always something either religious, funny, or classical. He has, on occasion, sung for me -- at events I've requested where he perform. He has sung songs I've asked for and thought would fit his voice. . . but the love serenade is not part of our romance.

During the late 1980's and early 1990's however, he sang repeatedly and on my request, "You'll Never Walk Alone" for the kids we were helping sue the Kansas School District. This became their theme song (and it was NEVER, EVER a favorite of Hubby's -- partly because of the sappy message and partly because the range is so ridiculous). He once admitted early on in our relationship that this was the song he associated most with me, mostly I think because our agreement with the marriage was that neither of us would walk the hard path alone again -- no matter what it took, neither of us would just up and walk away. Consequently, in his mind, I'm "never going to walk alone" again.

The sad thing now is, that due to his multiple health complications, Hubby can no longer sing at all. We both miss his beautiful voice -- and I once thought when this day would come, he would also lose his identity. Instead, he has adjusted quite well to not being able to make music. He still has some voice students and he's always on the lookout for the next new talent, but his own music making days have been gone for the last two years now. This has brought a huge change in our lives and is one of the reasons why I'm so determined to retire this year. We're both having to face the fact that age is robbing us of some our abilities -- and if we want some time together when we are still able to participate actively in the things we enjoy, we had better do it now.


Donna said...

That is our theme: If we're going to do it, we had better do it now. Life is short.
You have the right attitude. Now get out there and enjoy!

Margaret said...

Great attitude--but I would still love to hear Hubby sing. Do you have anything taped that you can put on the internet? Through hard times and good,that's what the marriage vows are all about, right? Been there and still are!