Changing Channels

For the past three years or so, every week night from 6 until 8 p.m., Hubby tuned in to the Hallmark channel showing of Walker, Texas Ranger. How I grew to hate that show! I don't dislike Chuck Norris, I think he makes wholesome family entertainment. He also always made good use of varied ethnic casting of which I approve whole-heartedly. I do dislike Norris' conservative politics but except on the gun-control issue, he doesn't really inject his views into his movies and TV shows. However, ten hours of Walker weekly for three years proved very cloying. After six months, I adjourned to the computer room or read magazines and books and left Hubby alone to watch the TV. He claimed Walker relaxed him -- and I guess he was right, because usually after 15 minutes he'd be sound asleep, unless, of course, I'd think I could sneak in and change the channel on him. Then he pop right up and growl. I learned to just leave Walker on for two hours and peace reigned in the household.

And then disaster struck Hubby. Hallmark phased out Walker. It took about three months of moving the show around, interrupting the weekly night casts, and finally Walker was off the air. Hubby has now switched his napping to the two hours before the nightly news. He watches and sleeps through all the Judge shows on TV, culminating in the aggressively sarcastic and evil Judge Judy. But usually when these shows come on I'm busy around the house, recovering from the school day, or doing graduate studies homework.

This has left a void in our TV viewing. After the nightly news we didn't have anything we actually wanted to watch. Hubby has switched his 6 - 8 p.m. activities to playing computer games, leaving me in charge of the remote control. And this is when I discovered that USA was showing marathon rounds of NCIS, a show I had never watched during the prime season run.

When I was 18 and in my senior year in high school I fell passionately and head-over-heels in love with David McCallum who played Illya Kuryakin on Man from U.N.C.L.E. I watched every episode for the next two years and then somehow real life took over, the show went on and I moved on. I look back now and wonder at how immature I was at the time -- and what the heck was I thinking, lusting after such a pale, small, delicate man?

Sometime in the 1980's I saw a couple of movies with Mark Harmon in them. When People magazine selected him as sexiest man alive I wondered how that could be . . . but People has their own standards and I'm too old to get very concerned about them.

In discovering the reruns of NCIS, I found a show that usually has a decent plot, is not all that bloody, has recreated good characterizations for its cast, and has David McCallum, much older (78 I think -- he MUST have had a lot of work done to look this good at 78!) and suddenly very attractive to me again. Even Mark Harmon look darned good. I think this might be a need to relive my youth just a bit on the McCallum thing, but the show is quite diverting.

So I've recorded hours and hours of it -- almost all my TV watching is now done by DVR because I can no longer stomach commercial interruptions -- and I'm slowly moving my way though all the episodes from 2003 to today. The thing about recording them from USA is that they don't show in sequence so you get an episode from 2004 and then one from 2007 that has new or added cast members. Interestingly, the women change a lot more often on the show than the men.

I still have 30 some hours of shows on my DVR player after the USA Memorial Day NCIS marathon. I think I've eliminated all the ones that I've seen already. Mixed in with NCIS are a few other good TV shows like Numbers, but basically most of my stored watching hours are of NCIS.

Because I've watched so many hours on USA, I'm now also tuning into Burn Notice and Royal Pains. And yes, I've discovered that USA does show Walker on Thursday nights -- and I've offered to record it for Hubby. Seems he's moved on from his addiction while I'm just starting one of my own.

School Days (Daze?)

Last night was my first night in summer grad school. I'm taking Technology for the SPED Classroom. I liked the new professor -- have no idea what happened to the old one, but the reports from last summer's class filled the fall semester students with shudders for those of who had yet to take the course. So I'm glad there has been a switch in profs.

The class is large -- about 30 students. We did a minimum of interacting with each other -- just enough to get to know the folks around us. All-in-all, the evening was fairly entertaining; it's hard to be really inventive for three solid hours. Best of all, she let us go home to access our own computers and do the lab work assignment. I like when I'm treated like a professional and I'm trusted to actually complete the assignment without presenting proof I actually did it.

This morning I popped out of bed at 7 a.m. and started doing my homework. Because the class is every Tuesday and Thursday there is little time in-between to get assignments created. We had a short (X in the blank) survey to complete and then one that took me over an hour because I had to compose answers. The downloading and reading took another hour. The on-line media presentation was supposed to take 20 minutes, but I needed notes so it was more like 40 because I had to rewind a couple of times. Then I faced the miserable assignment because we had to use a free source tool called Bubbl.US to create a graphic organizer of all we had read and watched in the presentations. Awful tool. Looked easy to use -- but the reality was that it was too simple. You couldn't maneuver the text boxes, add notes or titles, and saving for use in another medium was difficult. It took me three hours to create a simple "organization" type chart that was readable. Bah! I had the chart created on paper in 10 minutes -- and then it was three full hours of futzing with the software to make the chart legible.


I hope that the other tools presented in the class are more manageable than this. The information presented during class though related directly to technology assistance that should be used in creating IEP's and I've never really had a lot of information about that, so all wasn't lost -- just the three hours using Bubbl.

ZZZZZZZ's

If you listen to old folks for a bit, one of our biggest complaints is that we no longer sleep through the night. The old bones won't stay without complaint in one position for more than two hours at the most before the pain kicks in. The legs get antsy and you begin to shuffle them all over the bed trying to find some spot that won't make the arthritic knees complain and will allow the calves to lay quiet without tingling. The arthritic shoulders get sore if you lay on your right OR your left side too long. The arthritic spine says don't lay on your back because the pressure points are are all wrong. The acid reflux says don't lay on your stomach or you'll wake coughing up bile. The bladder demands you get up and empty it at least twice a night. The allergies require two pillows but no more or the spine and neck start yelling. And most indignant of all, if you're a woman, you will have hot flashes at least twice a night so badly that you'll wake up throwing off the covers and wiping the sweat off your face, neck, and chest and swearing that somehow the temperature in the house has been set at 90 degrees and you are sweltering. Then, if you actually manage to get back to sleep, in an hour you'll wake up freezing because you've been so hot just 60 minutes ago that you threw all the covers on the floor.

If you have dogs (or cats I'm told) who like to sleep in bed with you -- and though you may promise yourself when you get that puppy that he will sleep in his own expensively acquired soft bed, you will eventually succumb to the soft pleading eyes and the little whines emanating from the floor-- you will also find that the dog(s) will sleep soundly through all your waking hours and most inconveniently also manage to sprawl right in the middle of the bed, leaving you with only a small strip at the far side of the mattress.

In May I turned 63. Thirty years ago I swore that was an age where you were definitely classified as old folks. Now I'm trying to tell myself that I'm only at the far, far end of middle age (yeah, right -- and Hubby who is 74 is still a whipper-snapper, himself). However, for the past five years I've been "old folks" when trying to get a good night's sleep. I find that each year brings me less and less satisfying nights in bed. I'm down to maybe four hours of sleep on an average night and quite often a lot less. Last night was a case in point.

I slept well from 11:15 until 1:35. Then I was up and wandering the house, reading magazines, organizing computer files, watching TV until just about 5:00 a.m.. As the early morning local news came on the TV I managed to doze, in and out of consciousness until 6:45. Because I had agreed to be at school for student scheduling, I forced myself to get up and take the morning meds, get dressed, and wander out the door by 7:45, bleary eyed and grumpy.

Of course, by 3 p.m. I was exhausted -- and here comes the real problem with not sleeping at night. I HAD to take a nap. My head was nodding, my eyes barely open, and I was worthless for any activity that required thinking -- or sitting (because now I can fall asleep sitting up I'm so tired). The conventional wisdom is that a 20 minute nap will revive you -- but I never manage to sleep just 20 minutes. It was 5 p.m. when I finally woke up, feeling groggy and mean and still very sleep deprived. And because of the nap I can guarantee that at 11:30 tonight I'll still be wide-awake, unable to fall asleep at a reasonable bedtime.

I've thought about taking some of those sleep medications advertised on TV but I know two people who actually do take them - and both of them require pills to also wake them up in the morning. And the medication itself says not to use it unless you are sure you can get eight hours of sleep at night.

So I've become sleep deprived. I honestly feel tired almost all the time -- bone weary tired. And the options to try and solve the problem -- naps, pills -- don't seem viable in my circumstances. The only thing that I think might help would be aging backward. I fondly remember that at 18 I could sleep fifteen hours with no problem at all. Sadly I doubt there's a Dorian Gray portrait in my future.

Saying Goodbye

Hubby and I got up, got dressed, and drove to our church this morning. We sat in the back, the folks farthest from the pulpit. Under 20 adults graced the pews. The "new" minister, probably on vacation, wasn't there. None of the "old folks" were there either, except for Hubby and me. We were the oldest ones in attendance.

With the advent of the new minister last year, the older members of the congregation have been relegated to the role of observer. The hymns are now often praise songs, sung at break neck pace, often without any music to follow. The lovely traditional Methodist hymns are mostly gone. The music ministry is often a solo sung to a taped recording. The organ is closed and shuttered. The choir loft is vacant.

The traditional altar decorations have been replaced with two odd wind sockets. I'm not sure what they represent, but they've been in place since Easter. Once a lovely wooden cross, Christ-size, would hang over the altar from Easter to Pentecost. Obviously, that tradition has been replaced.

The sanctuary is still beautiful, but with a sad decay emanating from it. The furnace has not been repaired from when it broke two years ago, so there is no air conditioning and even worse, no heat. During the winter we sit in a moldy, dank basement -- the Parish Hall. The hall is fine for pot-luck suppers but it is a basement -- and Christmas services there are sad-looking and feeling events. The temperature in the sanctuary on a warm winter day never gets above 50 degrees. Even on Easter Sunday this year, when we finally moved upstairs, the church was bone-chilling.

When we joined the church it was dying. Only ten to twelve adults attended on Sunday morning. Then we had a small resurgence (see the picture above -- around 2005), got a new minister who got us another new minister -- both retired gentlemen. We limped along for ten years and more, but when the last retired minister finally officially retired, we knew the time had come to either give up, or bite the bullet.

We bit, hired a full-time minister, and moved into this new world, where the traditional Methodists are phased out of the church and the old folks are sent to the back pews. The Methodist regulatory body did not let us interview pastors -- they assigned us one. Whether she was actually a good fit for our diminishing congregation in an urban core neighborhood is still up for debate. Some members think she's the answer to their prayers; others, especially the older members, shake their heads in despair.

At Easter I took my final communion in a church I have grown to love, but now found lacking in grace and fellowship. It was my goodbye. I told Hubby, who has refused to take communion in the church for the past year, it was my last gesture of love towards the church. Hubby had promised that he would attend the church through August, and so once or twice a month we have traveled the highway to our church, sat through services in the basement, listened to the strange new music and gritted out teeth, and tried to find something redeeming in the situation.
The other Sundays we attended neighborhood churches or visited services when our friends invited us. After ten plus years of attending church EVERY Sunday, we also enjoyed a lazy Sunday morning here and there. Sunday brunches are very nice. Sunday errand running means we have more time to ourselves on the weekends.

Today we sat in the back pews for 15 minutes. Then Hubby turned to me and said, "You want to go get breakfast?" and we quietly got up during the silent prayer and left. I don't think we'll go back. There's just nothing there for us any longer.

It's sad to say goodbye to something that was such a meaningful and wonderful part of our lives. But when your heart no longer finds joy and peace in the church, it's definitely time to look elsewhere.

Gettin' Edge-cated

Summer plans are frighteningly busy for me this year. I've already attended two meetings around curriculum development and have homework assigned for developing a plan for teaching a Language Arts Study Skills class for SPED.

Next week I spend the first three days at my own school working on scheduling 200 students in the Health Community. We've never done the actual "computer" scheduling before, so factoring in the learning curve time, I figure we've got about 15 hours of work ahead of us.

Also next week I start three hours of graduate credit toward my SPED certification. I'm 18 hours into acquiring the 36 hours I need. This summer's course is called SPED Technology and I'm not looking forward to it -- in fact all the courses still ahead of me make me pretty disgruntled. It seems I have to take a whole heap of courses for teaching elementary education and functional students. The SPED Technology course is geared to students who are much more disabled than the ones I work with. I admire those who can deal with functional kids -- those who are more profoundly disabled than the ones I have in my collaborative setting -- but I'm very clear that these students are not the ones I'm destined to teach. I simply don't have the patience or the motivation to cope with their problems. In the same vein, I have no interest or ability to work with elementary kids. I spent seven years early in my career with middle school kids and thought that was my milieu -- but the first year I was transferred into high school, I realized I had been wrong. The 14 to 20 age bracket is where my abilities shine.

Before I left teaching in 1990 I had been coordinating and developing a college preparatory program for inner city high schoolers -- freshman through senior. So it was quite a change, when I came back to teaching 16 years later, to enter into the special education classroom. I'm not sure that in 1988 I was geared to teaching SPED, but the intervening years away from teaching taught me more patience and gave me a different perspective on life.

The business / construction world requires nothing if not patience. Folks come to work at 8 a.m. and sit around. They work maybe two, three hours tops. They go to meetings and sit around. They take hour lunch breaks -- maybe longer. They schedule meetings outside their office -- and drive around the city. They talk on the phone when they feel like it -- making PERSONAL calls all day long. They chat at the copy machine, in the hallway, in the break room. They can eat anytime during the day. They have cafeterias that serve full course meals at breakfast, at lunch, and then prepare food you can buy and take home with you for dinner -- and the food is healthy and delicious (NOT corn dogs, corn, pudding, and milk). They can actually go to the bathroom whenever nature calls -- and not wait until passing period or when they have a planning period. It was an amazing world to me, in business / construction. Sure, there were hectic times during the year -- but even then people took hour lunches and went to the john when they needed to. My doctor laughs and tells me that women teachers have the worst urinary tract infections of anybody she works with -- because we're required to hold "it" for hours at a time -- and certainly that's been my reality in the classroom.

However, in the SPED room we move along at a slower pace. I do have less students -- this year only 11 on my caseload -- though the year before I had 21. Then we hired another SPED teacher to carry part of my load. The kids understand if I have to go the bathroom. They like the lunches I bring from home and want to share. It's okay if I need to pop out a bottle of water to get me through the 90 minute periods, as long as they get an applesauce or a breakfast bar in the bargain. For the last three years I had a paraprofessional at my command who could sit with the kids if I needed to leave the classroom. This year she's been fired and will not be replaced due to budgetary demands. Yes, my workday starts at 6:15 -- but I'm on my way home at 3:00. I have two weeks vacation at Christmas, a week of spring break, all the major holidays off (President's Day and Martin Luther Kings birthday -- you never get those in business) and two months during the summer. Yes, I'm back in grad school working on my second master's degree -- but that's okay, too, most of the time. The district is paying my tuition and buying my books. Because I have years of experience behind me I'm pretty quick at making lesson plans -- and because I'm a SPED teacher I get a full 90 minute break, where I usually get most of my planning accomplished. Because I'm a collaborative teacher, I don't have the massive papers to grade, except that now I'm actually teaching three English classes. Still, I'm experienced enough to know how to get that accomplished with minimal effort on my part. The only onerous chore I have is the SPED paperwork required (IEP's, SOP's, etc.) that have to be completed in timely fashion. An IEP is truly a "labor" of love.

This summer I'm going to be busy -- at least during June. The state college I'm attending tries to make education for busy people accessible -- so my three hour class is schedule for six classroom hours each week during June with the class ending July 2. The curriculum workshop planned to have all its work completed by July 1. Scheduling of the Health kids will only take three days next week. I'll be busy in June -- I hear the Technology class requires a lot of outside the classroom work -- but in July, I'll be reading novels and eating bon-bons. Or cleaning the bathroom. Whichever seems more important.

Oum-Pa-Pa It Wasn't

Accordions call to mind Lawrence Welk and polka music, so it was with a bit of trepidation in our hearts that Hubby and I took in an accordion orchestra concert Sunday afternoon. The concert was free and we were joining good friends for the event so we had nothing to lose.

Except our local university has a world famous accordion orchestra, led by the renowned international accordion teacher, director, and arranger Joan Sommers. We were treated to a thrilling concert of music that was approachable, beautiful, and fun.

Performing were 15 accomplished musicians, many who are required to earn a living outside the music profession, but who dedicate themselves to weekly rehearsal of all types of serious music that has been transposed for the accordion. These folks travel to town from as far away as New York City to bring us great accordion music. Their ages vary from high school graduates to seriously retired.

For Sunday's program, the orchestra performed music ranging from the traditional waltz from Faust and the familiar pieces in Brasilia Potpourri to the serious classical Tamboruin by Jean Philippe Rameau. Two favorites of the audience were the beautiful The Gem of the Kaipara with a solo performance that brought tears to our eyes and the absolute stirring Suite from Video Games Live which was performed with a marvelous video showing appropriate video game snippets. The Video Games Suite was arranged by Ms. Sommers for the 2009 World Accordion Orchestra II to be performed in Auckland, New Zealan in August. Now that's some serious credentials!

Our orchestra was so good that often we didn't remember it was accordions making all that wonderful swelling (and reedy) sound. Performing with the orchestra were three percussionist who really helped bring the music alive, playing everything from the marimba to the bongos.

After I first quit teaching in the early 2000's, Hubby and I would attend the noontime concert of a 100 tubas serenading our downtown area with Christmas carols. That music was fun and brought a lot of joy to those of us who liked tubas. I thought the accordion concert would be along those lines. Instead we were treated to a serious performance of beautiful music made by dedicated musicians.

I was especially taken by the fact that they musicians were really enjoying themselves. They smiled and looked happy throughout the concert. They reacted with unconscious joy to the music they were making. And as an audience we were simply enchanted.

This was our first venture at an accordion concert. The director, Ms. Sommer, asked that next year we look for another performance of the orchestra. We'll be sure to attend.

Summer -- and It's Time to Blog!

In the last month plus I've written numerous blog entries in my head . . . but the closing of school was arduous and tense, though not emotionally painful, so I husbanded my strength for getting through. I did. School is out for the 2008-2009 year, all three of my senior students for whom I case-manage, did graduate, and today is the first full day of summer vacation.

Except, not really. At some point I need to go back to my school to help schedule all the students in my community for next year. Counselors don't do this anymore. The truth is, I wonder, what their job description actually is now-a-days. The four counselors in our building have been cut to two, what with the economic cut-backs we're experiencing, and not one teacher regretted our loss 0f 50% of the counseling staff.

Today I start a reading curriculum skills building workshop. I've never taught reading, and this is to be a "Reading Skills Summer Work" but the SPED group wanted my English curriculum building expertise (such as it is) so I'm scheduled to meet from 1 to 4 today, with more sessions TBD.

I received my state teaching license this year -- and I'm vastly relieved to get it. The state I'm teaching in has had a very strict and complicated procedure for licensing and it's taken me three years to convert my lifetime license from the neighboring state. However, I am now properly certified to teach English, History, and Government in grades 9 - 12 until the year 2014. Cool.

Next week I start three hours of grad school -- a course called Special Education Technology which is meeting Tuesdays and Thursdays from 5 to 8 p.m. -- but only goes from June 8 to July 2. I'm now starting on the SPED courses that are pretty much all directed either at elementary students or are for functional students - neither if which I'm ever going to teach (never say never, you opine? Hum -- well, I'm certainly never -- and I really mean NEVER -- teaching elementary school) so I'm not very enthused about them.

Last week I had my 63rd birthday. It was pretty much a non-event but this weekend I received two dozen (!!!!) pink birthday roses from a dear friend -- and they are the most beautiful and fragrant roses I've ever gotten. The entire back of the house has the delicious aroma of rose petals.

Hubby and I have been going to garage sales on Saturdays for a couple of hours. He's in the market for pre-school material for his daycare adventure, while I'm collecting books and video tapes for high school SPED kids. Not that DVDs are so popular, VHS tapes are selling for a quarter -- or in one case five for a $1. Can't beat the price!

Hopefully this summer I will be able to write more on this old blog -- starting my third year now -- chronicling the ups and downs of an older woman, returning to the classroom after a 16 year absence. It's going well, my friends. Really well. My job, even as I watch those around me getting laid off and fired (my paraprofessional was fired in a closed door hearing last Friday), is secure, I love it, and I work with great folks. I'm truly blessed.