Saying Goodbye

Hubby and I got up, got dressed, and drove to our church this morning. We sat in the back, the folks farthest from the pulpit. Under 20 adults graced the pews. The "new" minister, probably on vacation, wasn't there. None of the "old folks" were there either, except for Hubby and me. We were the oldest ones in attendance.

With the advent of the new minister last year, the older members of the congregation have been relegated to the role of observer. The hymns are now often praise songs, sung at break neck pace, often without any music to follow. The lovely traditional Methodist hymns are mostly gone. The music ministry is often a solo sung to a taped recording. The organ is closed and shuttered. The choir loft is vacant.

The traditional altar decorations have been replaced with two odd wind sockets. I'm not sure what they represent, but they've been in place since Easter. Once a lovely wooden cross, Christ-size, would hang over the altar from Easter to Pentecost. Obviously, that tradition has been replaced.

The sanctuary is still beautiful, but with a sad decay emanating from it. The furnace has not been repaired from when it broke two years ago, so there is no air conditioning and even worse, no heat. During the winter we sit in a moldy, dank basement -- the Parish Hall. The hall is fine for pot-luck suppers but it is a basement -- and Christmas services there are sad-looking and feeling events. The temperature in the sanctuary on a warm winter day never gets above 50 degrees. Even on Easter Sunday this year, when we finally moved upstairs, the church was bone-chilling.

When we joined the church it was dying. Only ten to twelve adults attended on Sunday morning. Then we had a small resurgence (see the picture above -- around 2005), got a new minister who got us another new minister -- both retired gentlemen. We limped along for ten years and more, but when the last retired minister finally officially retired, we knew the time had come to either give up, or bite the bullet.

We bit, hired a full-time minister, and moved into this new world, where the traditional Methodists are phased out of the church and the old folks are sent to the back pews. The Methodist regulatory body did not let us interview pastors -- they assigned us one. Whether she was actually a good fit for our diminishing congregation in an urban core neighborhood is still up for debate. Some members think she's the answer to their prayers; others, especially the older members, shake their heads in despair.

At Easter I took my final communion in a church I have grown to love, but now found lacking in grace and fellowship. It was my goodbye. I told Hubby, who has refused to take communion in the church for the past year, it was my last gesture of love towards the church. Hubby had promised that he would attend the church through August, and so once or twice a month we have traveled the highway to our church, sat through services in the basement, listened to the strange new music and gritted out teeth, and tried to find something redeeming in the situation.
The other Sundays we attended neighborhood churches or visited services when our friends invited us. After ten plus years of attending church EVERY Sunday, we also enjoyed a lazy Sunday morning here and there. Sunday brunches are very nice. Sunday errand running means we have more time to ourselves on the weekends.

Today we sat in the back pews for 15 minutes. Then Hubby turned to me and said, "You want to go get breakfast?" and we quietly got up during the silent prayer and left. I don't think we'll go back. There's just nothing there for us any longer.

It's sad to say goodbye to something that was such a meaningful and wonderful part of our lives. But when your heart no longer finds joy and peace in the church, it's definitely time to look elsewhere.

Gettin' Edge-cated

Summer plans are frighteningly busy for me this year. I've already attended two meetings around curriculum development and have homework assigned for developing a plan for teaching a Language Arts Study Skills class for SPED.

Next week I spend the first three days at my own school working on scheduling 200 students in the Health Community. We've never done the actual "computer" scheduling before, so factoring in the learning curve time, I figure we've got about 15 hours of work ahead of us.

Also next week I start three hours of graduate credit toward my SPED certification. I'm 18 hours into acquiring the 36 hours I need. This summer's course is called SPED Technology and I'm not looking forward to it -- in fact all the courses still ahead of me make me pretty disgruntled. It seems I have to take a whole heap of courses for teaching elementary education and functional students. The SPED Technology course is geared to students who are much more disabled than the ones I work with. I admire those who can deal with functional kids -- those who are more profoundly disabled than the ones I have in my collaborative setting -- but I'm very clear that these students are not the ones I'm destined to teach. I simply don't have the patience or the motivation to cope with their problems. In the same vein, I have no interest or ability to work with elementary kids. I spent seven years early in my career with middle school kids and thought that was my milieu -- but the first year I was transferred into high school, I realized I had been wrong. The 14 to 20 age bracket is where my abilities shine.

Before I left teaching in 1990 I had been coordinating and developing a college preparatory program for inner city high schoolers -- freshman through senior. So it was quite a change, when I came back to teaching 16 years later, to enter into the special education classroom. I'm not sure that in 1988 I was geared to teaching SPED, but the intervening years away from teaching taught me more patience and gave me a different perspective on life.

The business / construction world requires nothing if not patience. Folks come to work at 8 a.m. and sit around. They work maybe two, three hours tops. They go to meetings and sit around. They take hour lunch breaks -- maybe longer. They schedule meetings outside their office -- and drive around the city. They talk on the phone when they feel like it -- making PERSONAL calls all day long. They chat at the copy machine, in the hallway, in the break room. They can eat anytime during the day. They have cafeterias that serve full course meals at breakfast, at lunch, and then prepare food you can buy and take home with you for dinner -- and the food is healthy and delicious (NOT corn dogs, corn, pudding, and milk). They can actually go to the bathroom whenever nature calls -- and not wait until passing period or when they have a planning period. It was an amazing world to me, in business / construction. Sure, there were hectic times during the year -- but even then people took hour lunches and went to the john when they needed to. My doctor laughs and tells me that women teachers have the worst urinary tract infections of anybody she works with -- because we're required to hold "it" for hours at a time -- and certainly that's been my reality in the classroom.

However, in the SPED room we move along at a slower pace. I do have less students -- this year only 11 on my caseload -- though the year before I had 21. Then we hired another SPED teacher to carry part of my load. The kids understand if I have to go the bathroom. They like the lunches I bring from home and want to share. It's okay if I need to pop out a bottle of water to get me through the 90 minute periods, as long as they get an applesauce or a breakfast bar in the bargain. For the last three years I had a paraprofessional at my command who could sit with the kids if I needed to leave the classroom. This year she's been fired and will not be replaced due to budgetary demands. Yes, my workday starts at 6:15 -- but I'm on my way home at 3:00. I have two weeks vacation at Christmas, a week of spring break, all the major holidays off (President's Day and Martin Luther Kings birthday -- you never get those in business) and two months during the summer. Yes, I'm back in grad school working on my second master's degree -- but that's okay, too, most of the time. The district is paying my tuition and buying my books. Because I have years of experience behind me I'm pretty quick at making lesson plans -- and because I'm a SPED teacher I get a full 90 minute break, where I usually get most of my planning accomplished. Because I'm a collaborative teacher, I don't have the massive papers to grade, except that now I'm actually teaching three English classes. Still, I'm experienced enough to know how to get that accomplished with minimal effort on my part. The only onerous chore I have is the SPED paperwork required (IEP's, SOP's, etc.) that have to be completed in timely fashion. An IEP is truly a "labor" of love.

This summer I'm going to be busy -- at least during June. The state college I'm attending tries to make education for busy people accessible -- so my three hour class is schedule for six classroom hours each week during June with the class ending July 2. The curriculum workshop planned to have all its work completed by July 1. Scheduling of the Health kids will only take three days next week. I'll be busy in June -- I hear the Technology class requires a lot of outside the classroom work -- but in July, I'll be reading novels and eating bon-bons. Or cleaning the bathroom. Whichever seems more important.

Oum-Pa-Pa It Wasn't

Accordions call to mind Lawrence Welk and polka music, so it was with a bit of trepidation in our hearts that Hubby and I took in an accordion orchestra concert Sunday afternoon. The concert was free and we were joining good friends for the event so we had nothing to lose.

Except our local university has a world famous accordion orchestra, led by the renowned international accordion teacher, director, and arranger Joan Sommers. We were treated to a thrilling concert of music that was approachable, beautiful, and fun.

Performing were 15 accomplished musicians, many who are required to earn a living outside the music profession, but who dedicate themselves to weekly rehearsal of all types of serious music that has been transposed for the accordion. These folks travel to town from as far away as New York City to bring us great accordion music. Their ages vary from high school graduates to seriously retired.

For Sunday's program, the orchestra performed music ranging from the traditional waltz from Faust and the familiar pieces in Brasilia Potpourri to the serious classical Tamboruin by Jean Philippe Rameau. Two favorites of the audience were the beautiful The Gem of the Kaipara with a solo performance that brought tears to our eyes and the absolute stirring Suite from Video Games Live which was performed with a marvelous video showing appropriate video game snippets. The Video Games Suite was arranged by Ms. Sommers for the 2009 World Accordion Orchestra II to be performed in Auckland, New Zealan in August. Now that's some serious credentials!

Our orchestra was so good that often we didn't remember it was accordions making all that wonderful swelling (and reedy) sound. Performing with the orchestra were three percussionist who really helped bring the music alive, playing everything from the marimba to the bongos.

After I first quit teaching in the early 2000's, Hubby and I would attend the noontime concert of a 100 tubas serenading our downtown area with Christmas carols. That music was fun and brought a lot of joy to those of us who liked tubas. I thought the accordion concert would be along those lines. Instead we were treated to a serious performance of beautiful music made by dedicated musicians.

I was especially taken by the fact that they musicians were really enjoying themselves. They smiled and looked happy throughout the concert. They reacted with unconscious joy to the music they were making. And as an audience we were simply enchanted.

This was our first venture at an accordion concert. The director, Ms. Sommer, asked that next year we look for another performance of the orchestra. We'll be sure to attend.

Summer -- and It's Time to Blog!

In the last month plus I've written numerous blog entries in my head . . . but the closing of school was arduous and tense, though not emotionally painful, so I husbanded my strength for getting through. I did. School is out for the 2008-2009 year, all three of my senior students for whom I case-manage, did graduate, and today is the first full day of summer vacation.

Except, not really. At some point I need to go back to my school to help schedule all the students in my community for next year. Counselors don't do this anymore. The truth is, I wonder, what their job description actually is now-a-days. The four counselors in our building have been cut to two, what with the economic cut-backs we're experiencing, and not one teacher regretted our loss 0f 50% of the counseling staff.

Today I start a reading curriculum skills building workshop. I've never taught reading, and this is to be a "Reading Skills Summer Work" but the SPED group wanted my English curriculum building expertise (such as it is) so I'm scheduled to meet from 1 to 4 today, with more sessions TBD.

I received my state teaching license this year -- and I'm vastly relieved to get it. The state I'm teaching in has had a very strict and complicated procedure for licensing and it's taken me three years to convert my lifetime license from the neighboring state. However, I am now properly certified to teach English, History, and Government in grades 9 - 12 until the year 2014. Cool.

Next week I start three hours of grad school -- a course called Special Education Technology which is meeting Tuesdays and Thursdays from 5 to 8 p.m. -- but only goes from June 8 to July 2. I'm now starting on the SPED courses that are pretty much all directed either at elementary students or are for functional students - neither if which I'm ever going to teach (never say never, you opine? Hum -- well, I'm certainly never -- and I really mean NEVER -- teaching elementary school) so I'm not very enthused about them.

Last week I had my 63rd birthday. It was pretty much a non-event but this weekend I received two dozen (!!!!) pink birthday roses from a dear friend -- and they are the most beautiful and fragrant roses I've ever gotten. The entire back of the house has the delicious aroma of rose petals.

Hubby and I have been going to garage sales on Saturdays for a couple of hours. He's in the market for pre-school material for his daycare adventure, while I'm collecting books and video tapes for high school SPED kids. Not that DVDs are so popular, VHS tapes are selling for a quarter -- or in one case five for a $1. Can't beat the price!

Hopefully this summer I will be able to write more on this old blog -- starting my third year now -- chronicling the ups and downs of an older woman, returning to the classroom after a 16 year absence. It's going well, my friends. Really well. My job, even as I watch those around me getting laid off and fired (my paraprofessional was fired in a closed door hearing last Friday), is secure, I love it, and I work with great folks. I'm truly blessed.

Planning for the Future

Today I saw my teaching schedule for next year -- and it made me deliriously happy. If you get a schedule with good classes -- the ones you hoped to teach and that other teachers hoped to steal away from you -- you always feel relieved. The woman who runs the SPED department in my school is a phenomena -- she is everything one would want in a department chair. She is fair, she is honest, she loves kids, she is a strong supporter of good education, she supports both the school and the district in fundamentally sound ways, she carries enormous power with the administration, and she is pro-union. I respect her on a level I have only held for one other boss, also a strong, intelligent woman.

Anyway, my teaching schedule for next year is a sweet one. I have first period off, which I really, really like. I almost always get to school an hour before the kids. We have 90 minute periods -- only four a day. With first block off, this gives me plenty of time to do lesson plans, get copies made, sort books, arrange desks, etc. I much prefer the early morning preparation routine as opposed to staying after school for an hour or so. And because I'm really not a morning person, I don't have to face kids until 9 a.m. I'll continue to teach my English classes -- grades 9, 10, 11, 12 -- one of each, though the 11th & 12th are a combined class. One of the newly hired SPED teachers this year desperately wanted to "steal" one of my classes, but so far, she has not managed this feat. I didn't campaign to remain in my position -- simply said that we had enough students to separate the English 1 & English 2 classes. Luckily, so far, I'm scheduled to teach them both. Hurray!

I won't complain, though, if the schedule changes - as it is apt to do before next August. As I told the SPED chair: "I count myself so lucky to be in this school and working with this great staff that whatever you want or need me to do, I'm up for it!" And I meant that. Luckily, though, so far, I'm not faced with having to live up to those words.

PS -- if you want to contact me on Facebook, send me an E-mail at millywlly@earthlink.net and I'll send you an invite to become my friend. Having 20 friends would make me feel really "cool!"

Facebook

One day about ten months ago when I had 15 minutes with nothing to do I thought I'd check out Facebook. I actually did the same thing with Twitter but I have to admit I find no interest in Twitter at all. I like long winded sentences and writing with three or more paragraphs. Momentary comments don't interest me at all. I have no interest in telling -- or in knowing -- that the soup is hot or the phone is ringing or the dogs need to go for a walk. Facebook was just interesting enough that I made a homepage. Facebook then looked in my address book and determined that I knew two people who also had Facebook pages. I contacted one of them, a dancer in Chicago that I communicate with regularly. She kindly accepted my request for friendship.

A week or so later the other person contacted me. I then had two friends on Facebook. Months elapsed. Celebrities and young people got 300 friends. I remained static with my two. I forgot to check the page but when Facebook sent me a message that a third person wanted to befriend me, I ducked in and accepted her. Facebook then told me that two other people I knew had accounts. One was so darned handsome (and very sweet natured) that I actually asked him to be my friend and, being so good-hearted, he kindly accepted. I rather patted myself on the back that now I had at least one "status" friend -- not that the others weren't cool and interesting -- but they were all my age and steady good folks. This guy was H O T! Of course, in my defense, I also asked his wife to be my friend -- and she accepted, too -- and she's pretty darned HOT in her own right.

Now Facebook tells me I actually have 12 friends. I'm rather amazed. None of my family (count that one sister-in-law) has a Facebook page, so these are people aren't actually required to know me. Then the amazing happened. I actually was "found" by a person from my long-long-long ago past. I'd heard that folks from your high school days were contacting each other (God forbid!), but that never happened to me. This person was even further back than high school!

Facebook has lots and lots of features. You can "poke" people -- though I'm not sure why. People send each other cyber-gifts through Facebook. You can't seem to do anything with these gifts but people do seem to like to collect them. People take all sorts of quizzes on Facebook to prove they are human, angels, devils, smart, or Baby Boomers. I don't actually get that either. You can use it like Twitter -- jot down your immediate thoughts or activities. I have no interest in exploring all the features of Facebook but I'm actually kind of proud that I have 12 people who were willing to befriend me.

I honestly am quite the loner, you know. In real time -- I can't claim to have 12 true friends who interact with me regularly.

Totsie Comfort

I gave up anklets / socks ever since I graduated from high school. During my teen years I religiously wore a pair of Weejun loafers with white cotton socks, never rolled, always pulled higher than my ankle. I didn't own any sneakers or casual shoes. I had a pair of brown Weejuns and one pair of black heels. Shoes were meant to be utilitarian in my household.

During my 20's I made up for my shoe dearth with a vengeance. I owned over 300 pairs of shoes, usually high end (but not like today's shoes which cost $300 and up) and I had a rainbow of colors. This time around I went in for the "dress" shoe, mostly lower heels and flats, because I seem to have always had really bad feet.

During the 1990's my feet got really bad. Plantar's fasciitis took a deadly toll, as well as ingrown toe nails. Eventually I took to wearing ugly tie-on shoes -- even more pricey than my beautiful rainbow dress shoes -- that provided excellent support for my feet and plenty of room for ouchy toes.

In my 50's I gave up the dread panty hose and switched to tights. But after three years in construction, even that seemed to complicated and dressy. Now I wear socks, good old cotton socks (blended with nylon and synthetic fibers).

The problem for the last five years, however, was that I didn't buy socks, I just acquired them. Garage sales had been the major source for socks for me in the past. I'm not rough on them and these socks lasted and lasted. They just weren't pretty or interesting or even very well fitted. They did not, however, have any holes.

Last autumn we found a sock outlet going out of business. I went in and bought every single -- YES, you heard right -- EVERY single pair of socks they had. The socks were 75% off. I spent $350 on socks but only paid $85 for them.

I unloaded all the old, dull socks, and now I have soft, pretty, interesting socks for every occasion. I love them! Every day is a new sock adventure!