Struggling

 Hubby is having a very hard time adjusting to his "new" life, especially the pain that comes from his incision, the exhaustion from his anesthesia, and, what I suppose, is his fear that his heart will race with any activity in which he engages. 

Last night was very hard for him.  He asked me to retrieve the alcohol and cotton and remove the tape holding his super glue in place over the incision for the pacemaker.  When I categorically declined he was aghast.  I did look at the "bandage" the cardiologist had installed just before we left the hospital and the skin around the super glue and overlying surgical tape was quite red and inflamed.  I did get the body foam and wipes and I swabbed the area around the incision but I wasn't about to mess with that super glue. Before the surgical tape was installed, I could clearly see the incision but now it is covered over. 

"It really hurts," he growled.  And then he yanked down his shirt, rolled back onto the bed, and the reality is, he pouted.  Just like a six year old.  Also, he proceeded to moan, just under his breath, for the next five hours. 

It was highly disconcerting.  At 3 a.m. I finally said, "If you are in this much pain there must be something wrong.  We need to go to the emergency room where they can redress your wound and find out exactly what is causing you so much agony."

"NO!" he snarled back at me in his ugliest voice.  

So we both lay awake, me worrying that if he really did hurt this much something must terribly amiss and he, moaning and flailing his left arm about, even though he knew he was not supposed to raise it above his head. 

At 6 a.m. I demanded to see his incision.  He refused to show it to me.  But I got up and stood over him until finally he relented and pulled up his shirt -- but refused to sit up so I really couldn't see it very well.  I did know that nothing was leaking, there was no blood or seepage coming from the wound.  Half an hour later he sat up and let me take a good look, and though the skin around the bandage was still slightly red, it looked much better than the night before.  Thank the Lord. 

He ate his oranges for breakfast and drank his tea.  I walked the dogs after asking him if he'd like to get out and drive to the park with us, but he thought laying about under the quilt would make him more comfy.   At noon he had a very good Sunday dinner of pot roast, potatoes, and carrots.  Then he got involved in the football games on TV. 

Just now he admitted that his incision was feeling much better and the pain was considerably less.  His voice had even resume his normal range of volume and was much less aggressive.  

He's gonna have a hard time living this episode of "weenie-dom" down, let me tell you.  The iron man has developed, not just cracks, but huge fissures.  I'm gonna milk it for all it's worth, having been the weenie in this relationship for the last 40 years.